dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
