Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
