I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
