3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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