i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you had me at cake vodka
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
