he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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