Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
