When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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