I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
