lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
