Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
