you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
