We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
