I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
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