Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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