fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
