you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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