Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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