My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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