im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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