You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
