She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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