I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
