she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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