i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
