yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
