Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
