I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
