The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
