He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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