I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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