'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
