Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
porn star boner night. come get it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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