your room smells of hookers.
And success
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
