office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
