Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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