ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
