I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
