I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I deserve this hangover.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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