Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
