no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
