i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its not stalking. its research.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
