We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
