A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
