After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I smell like Dick and happiness
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
