Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
