the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
