I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
