omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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