This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My bed smells like the plague
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
