Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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